15 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting into a Long Term Relationship

If you are or have been in a long term relationship, you would be well conversant with the pains and pleasures involved. There are moments of happiness interspersed with bouts of doubt and difference of opinions between you and your partner. It has been seen that the in first few months or may be even in the first few years the couple are blissfully happy. They are head over heels in love with each other and cannot find any flaw in their mate however hard they try. 

When in a relationship, we badly try to rediscover ourselves. The questions like, “why we exist?”, “for whom do we exist?”, “does that person actually deserve me or do I deserve him/her?” keep gnawing at our existence. Also, the very thought of getting united with that person seems to cast us into perpetual tension and we spend sleepless nights trying to find an answer. The challenge before us is whether we would be able to put up with that person all are life or vice versa.  

If you plan to be in a long term relationship, you need to do a good groundwork. It takes years to make a relationship work. At the very beginning, you should be clear about what you want from your partner and what you think you can do for him/her. 

Take time and develop the optimum amount of trust that is required to make your relationship work. Compassion is another essential element which you need to feel for your partner, but that would take time. Thus, it’s important to spend quality time with that person. 

The very thought of being with this same person all your life might frighten you but give yourself time to review things and then, decide accordingly. Given below are a few questions that you need to ask yourself before getting into a long term relationship. 

1. Are you both compatible? Are you ready to adjust to his/her and mindset? 

2. Does the person you plan to spend your life with acknowledge, appreciate and respect your dreams? 

3. Are you willing to accept his/her family and whether they would be creating havoc or not?  

4. Will you be disclosing to him/her your much coveted secrets? 

5. Do you completely trust your mate? 

6. Will he/she be smothering? 

7. Will you be able to retain your individual identity even after marriage? 

8. Would you be able to arise upon a joint consensus about how many kids you want? 

  

9. Do you both have similar takes on how you would like to bring your child up and the disciplinary measures that you plan to adopt? 

10. Will you be having separate bank accounts or a joint account? 

11. How do you plan to manage your finances? 

12. Who would be doing the housework? 

13. Who would pay the bills? 

14. Which one of you would be doing the grocery shopping and cooking? 

15. Would you need to cut down on the time you spend with your close friends now?  

If you are able to find an answer to these questions, sit down and plan out things with your partner and your relationship will automatically unfold in course of time and trace its path.  

The Compatibility Factor

It is usually taken for granted for too long. You have perhaps also overlooked its foreseeable powers and always forgot to read the signs on the road. That road you were planning to travel along with your partner has again become foggy and doesn’t show any sign of clearance. And everything you have experienced so far is a farce and a mistake.  

It is human nature to forget emotional beatings from past relationships, put aside the anxieties one has been through and erase the feeling of dysfunction and inadequacy as one moves from one relationship to the other wishing a better result and more stability. It’s understandable you want to start fresh from ground zero. But are you the fly which enters the trap of Venus flycatcher thinking it can escape from it unharmed? 

You must be crazy to think that way.  

Learn from your past and take the necessary precaution before taking the first step. No body gets away with the ups and downs of a new relationship. You have experienced it before but every time you look for a partner you put down your guards and land up in the same place. Grow up; haven’t you got your share of drama queens? Uncaring guys using you like a ball? Codependent individuals who are unable to sustain them and drag you down along with their life?  

How about hooking up with someone who really cares about you? Can you visualize spending time with someone who respects you and takes part in your daily activities? You would love to live with someone who blindly believes in your vision of the future. 

It does take time. No one can give you a hundred percent guarantee that you will find someone with cent percent compatibility. We must first understand that none of us will reach that perfection ourselves where we can sit and expect some one that perfect. Let’s face it; a perfect soul mate doesn’t come in a Cracker Jack box.  

  

Compatibility issues are common to a lot of relationships. Too many people take the plunge without realizing that their relationship is on a blink. A lot of them forget to communicate with each other and collectively stay patient to make it work. Compatibility issues often deal with arguments about simple things. 

Attitude problem and negative emotions form an impenetrable wall of silence. You must have the desire to stay or walk out. Your desire of staying together is most important.  

Romantic Love and Pre-Commitment

Love figures in a big way in everyone’s lives. Some dream about it, some romanticize it and others deny it. But it is an always in vogue topic of discussion. Though the one ‘right’ person theory might be a myth but that does not mean that there is not more than one right person for you. 

So how does one define that all encompassing ‘right’ factor in a partner? Well it might be defined as a kind of compatibility, which allows you to flourish and thrive in each other’s company. It is probably the quality, which makes it a solid team, where it is not the individual but the final end, which matters. 

Such bonds are established on far stronger stuff than mere attraction, though this is a large and significant part of it. It is rather based on simple facts of common ideals, dreams and beliefs. There has always been a tendency to exalt the entire notion of love in all mediums, literature, television or theatre. 

But this entirely focuses that early phase of devotion passion and jubilation. But this stage in real life is short in duration as soon the high is gone and matters more practical have to be handled.  

So, if one mistakes this initial stage of exhilarating romantic moments for the actual deal then it can lead to the downfall of the relationship. But this romantic phase serves a good purpose in reminding and holding exemplary importance regarding the potential that this relationship can possess when bad times are nigh. Today happiness has become such a sort after commodity that people will do and believe anything for that. They will agree to any terms so that they never have to feel pain, be hurt or get disappointed. That is why they are ready to jump at and grab any clauses that prevent these in their relationships, and make them work anyhow. 

That is why so many people today are in a pre-committed state where they are not married but are going out only with each other. This makes sure that no matter what, they have the right to exclusivity with each other, but if it does not work out, they are free to go their own ways without dealing with an otherwise messy divorce.  

When Is The Right Time To Be With Someone?

The most important decision that affects the happiness of a person is finding the right partner for life and that too at the right time. The level of perception of a person obviously influences his/her choice of partner. It is vital to take the proper step at the proper time and not hesitate while making such an important decision. One must keep in mind the fact that time is short. 

The subsequent points listed help to find out for certain whether one is ready for a relationship or not.  

1. You must have monetary security. 

2. You must be perceptive enough to understand the significant crossroads that life may present and be wise, experienced and confident enough to tackle them. 

3. Your emotion and reason must be in agreement when you decide it is time for you to share your private space with someone. Research has shown that maximum number of divorces occur due to indifference of one or both the partners towards one another. Being interested in your partner is vital for a perfect balance in the relationship. 

4. The fact that you are ready to take on the complete responsibility of another person and that you are ready to rely on this same person for support is a pointer to the fact that you are ready for a relationship. 

5. Your consciousness about the desire for a family and family planning policy regarding this basic urge shows that you are ready for a relationship. 

6. The appropriate age for men is between 25-35 years. For women, the most apt age is in the range of 20-28 years.  

7. There is also a physical need for being with someone. But if you have not felt the desire to be with anyone at all then there must be some emotional issue. 

8. One of the most important facet of the decision in choosing a partner is the abundance of option that one has in the matter. You have to be aware of all the people you find interesting. This awareness of your interests naturally makes it easy to avoid potential debacle.  

Friends, family, neighbors and the amazing sights and sounds of the great wide world full of possibilities await one if only one makes the effort to appreciate. But one only notices all the variety and beauty when one is in love. Only a soul mate who can share your experience makes everything worthwhile. 

It is only the perfect partner who can get rid of the despondency of loneliness and lead you to a life of joy and happiness.